This book came to me via a recommendation from my sister-in-law and she gave me a copy of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman the day my wife and I renewed our vows. If you have been following me here at Spiral Revolutions you would know that after 20+ years of marriage that my wife and I hit a major snag the last couple. It has certainly been a roller coaster of a ride, but after reading this book it became really clear to me what had happened.
A Timely Recommendation
It was time for my dad to downsize out of his house and I was working with my step brother and his wife to help get the place sorted, cleaned up and ready for sale. It was during that process that we talked some about the recent events going on in my marriage and this is when Brienna told me about her and my step brother’s journey and the struggles that they overcame. She said it was in large part due to this book that they were able to get over a hump and move on positively.
I had planned a surprise re-proposal and renewing of our vows party for my wife. You see my wedding band had been stolen a couple years back and hers had lost a diamond so neither of us had been wearing them. This was certainly affecting the relationship in these trying times and I wanted to get us new rings and to pledge my love to her all over again.
After a rather successful surprise party, Brienna gave me the book before they left. I was almost done with the book I was currently reading and was excited to learn about the language of love. As she gave me the book I stated I would get it back to her once I was done with it, but she requested that she rather I pass it on to someone else that it may help instead.
Getting Down to the Core of Love
As I started reading this book on the secret to love that lasts, I remember thinking that the book seemed kind of small for such a complex subject. However, I would quickly find out that Gary would get right down to the core of it all and make it seem almost simple. I really appreciated how he speaks throughout the book in a way that I would best describe as just using common sense.
The examples that he uses throughout the book really help you to understand not only how the concepts work, but how he discovered them in the first place. There are no big complex words or methods you need to learn, but rather just opening your eyes to the simplicity of it all.
Gary shows how each and every one of us has what he refers to as a Love Tank inside of us, much like a car has a gas tank. When we first meet and fall in love with someone these tanks are overflowing with the pure love that we feel at those times. He also shows that we each have our own language that when spoken to us, helps to keep the tanks full.
A vast amount of marital problems can be traced back to one or both party’s tanks losing fuel. This happens in a couple different ways. First and foremost is that the infatuation stage of love or the beginnings of it fills the tank rather easily, but doesn’t last long. As that effect wears off it is the speaking of our partner’s language that allows us to refill their tanks on a daily basis. If we are not speaking the correct language, there could be trouble brewing!
This book will teach you how to identify not only your love language, but also your spouses as well. For me it really hit home and I was able to understand why my wife and I were struggling even though we love each other so much. Our problem is that we got our wires crossed and were not communicating in each other’s primary language and thusly not refilling our tanks as we should have been.
This Book is Just Completely Eye Opening
With each turn of the page I was able to identify a point or person in my life that fit into what he was discussing at the moment. I was able to see the languages of not only my spouse but for many of the important people in my life, especially from my childhood. While this book caters to a married couple, the concept easily transcends that and at the end of the book he does mention that there are other books for kids, singles and other situations available.
My eyes really opened when I thought about how I had been working so hard in recent times to be a better husband. I thought I was doing things that my wife would really appreciate, but it turns out that I was not speaking her language to her. Rather, I was speaking my own language to her.
This is why we were struggling as instead of speaking the language to each other that would fill the other’s tank, we spoke what came naturally to us. This is actually fairly common as I would read, that when pressed you will use your primary love language to reach out to your partner. The good thing is though, that it really helped me understand what my primary language was.
The other thing that I really came to appreciate as I finished the book was that I felt like my wife and I could stop arguing about who’s fault this whole mess was. I now understand that it was not either of our faults because we just didn’t know. The world had never taught us how to communicate properly and as a matter of fact I think today’s society encourages quite the opposite behaviors.
There were many points while reading this book that hit me so hard emotionally it was hard to not just burst out in tears at times. Gary Chapman laid everything on the line in a very simple and easy to read format on a concept that I think we all need to learn more about.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone, not just married couples. Understanding how our love languages work can help to save a marriage in trouble or take a healthy marriage to the next level. The perspectives alone that you will see throughout this book are just amazing, especially when it comes to the various examples that he provides.
Click the following link to order your copy of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and help support this site and our mission to make the world a better place. I think it would be safe to say that for each person the reads and understands what is in this book, the world will definitely be better off for it. Also, if you are interested in a more specific version here is a list of the other variants of the book:
- The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition
- The 5 Love Languages for Men
- The 5 Love Languages for Children
- The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
Comments, Questions and More!
First I would like to ask you to please leave any questions or comments you may have about the book below and I will do my best to get you all squared up. I would also ask that if you are familiar with any of Gary Chapman’s work to please leave us your perspectives on it as well so that we can all learn from it.
Also, if you enjoyed this article, here are some others that I have written that tie in with this subject:
- What Seeds Did You Plant Today?
- Love is the Answer; Forgiveness is the Key
- Why Should You THINK Before You Speak
- What is Love?
- What is the Most Important Thing in Life? Accountability
Thank you for stopping by today and I hope that this book is able to help you as much as it did for me. I am certainly thankful for it coming into my life when it did. Special thanks to my sister-in-law Brienna for passing it along to me.
James W D